Keep the Faith!

For the past weeks I've been thinking about my status in life, my career and my direction.

I read an article yesterday about what it means to be 30 years old.

An important thought that struck me is that when your 30, your life begins to settle. And you might not be used to settling because life in the 20's had so many changes. Graduating from college, getting a new job, transferring to a different job and all other changes that pertains to becoming a fully pledged adult.

It made me start thinking that the writer was right. I think the dissonance I am feeling right now is that I'm afraid to settle. I've only had 2 years in my current employer and I really have no complaints being affiliated with my current employer. I love what we do. I am good at what I'm doing. And I love the freedom that it gives me.

Two years is also the longest I have stayed in one company.

That may or may not be a good sign. But I know it's a company that I don't want to leave.

However, there's still this gap that bothers me inside. I started feeling this gap when I finished my masters degree. What now? What do I do with all these free time? What do I do with this huge void in my life?

I've done my share of volunteer work until it didn't give me enough motivation or fulfillment anymore. I want to do something else. I started learning Spanish online and I've improved a lot. Hablo Español! But I realized I lack the social interaction.

Ay me. To be a psychology major there's so much internalizing and self analysis going on.

For the past weeks, or even way back since I arrived from Canada, I have been flaking out on a lot of my meet-ups. There's just not enough motivation for me to get my ass off my bed. Some friends are calling it depression. But I don't want to be that person going around telling people "I'm so depressed." I may have signs of depression but I think it really has something to do with either 1) Bereavement process / Grief and 2) Pre-30 Crisis.

Long story short, I eventually came to a conclusion that I might need a new job. I need a new commitment. I need to do something else. I need to do something more. I need to stop binge watching Netflix and make my life a little bit more useful.

(It's funny how nowadays we just can't do NOTHING... always something to fidget with).

I guess that's just me. There's a limit to my nothingness.

But the Lord hears our prayers and for some reason I woke up today having a lot of opportunities that I can explore on.

What I am most excited about is the opportunity to teach again.

I haven't had student interaction ever since I got into the Curriculum Development business. It's still a different kind of fulfillment teaching kids.

I'm so excited! I've known these kids when they were 3 or 4 years old and I super love them! They're super smart kids too so I know I wont have a hard time dealing with them. :)

I feel like it's easter for me. There's another reason to wake up now and be productive!