If you want honey, don't kick over the beehive.
The first chapter in the book of Cómo Ganar Amigos e Influir Sobre Las Personas por Dale Carnegie.
The book suggest that the reader create notes per chapter so as to create memory retention of the information you get from the book.
I'll try to do this in hopes that the things I will learn from the book will help me in my life. I've had this book since 2012 but I haven't really had the heart to really use it as a bible. Well here it goes..
Chapter 1 basically says that the human reaction when you criticize or find fault in a person is that they will only defend and justify their behavior. Most people will never admit they are wrong because in their own eyes what they are doing is what is right. "If you want honey, don't kick over the beehive."
I would believe this, usually... because that normally happens a lot. But then I also know there are other people who always beat themselves for blaming themselves for everything that goes wrong. I believe in psychology it's called the locus of control. Do we believe that situations are caused by external factors? or Do we believe that situations are caused by internal factors (which is ourselves).
The chapter basically says "Don't condemn, criticize or complain."
OK. NOTED.
I guess I have to make a blog post about this now because knowing my personality this is something I always do. I have a straightforward personality and I don't sugarcoat or pacify or beat around the bush when I want to say something. Which reminds me what I've read from the Paris Hilton diary I got, Paris' says.. "If you can't say anything nice.. say it to somebody you trust."
OR... maybe we should just stick to the old cliche that says "If you can't say anything nice, don't say it at all."
I remember a colleague and a professor telling me that I am very good at pointing out mistakes or finding how to improve a certain service or system. To these colleagues and to my professor, this was a good skill... but I guess it also just comes out natural for me?
The challenge I have to give myself now is to learn how to be situational. To identify which comments will actually have a say in making things better, or maybe the rest of the time.. I'll just keep a private note to myself.
If you want to gather honey, don't kick the beehive.
There you go. It's kinda like the saying, "You get more bees with honey than vinegar."
To be fair to myself, I believe I had already applied this whenever I am making a complaint with customer services.
The younger me, would write an angry letter, make a mad phone call or go to the service office agitated and annoyed. I would sometimes get things my way, but in the end I know that I just pissed both of us off. But
the more mature me, already found the trick of getting things your way without leaving a bad note. "Ask really really nice." Such basic knowledge that was taught to us as a child until we grew up and was influenced by society.
I would ask nice. Sometimes beg for help. And I would also really come out helpless. The truth is, it really IS under the other person's decision or control whether or not they would help me (or the customer). Sometimes I just give our a big *sigh* because I know that the way "things work" won't allow things to happen as I would have expected it to be. But most of the time, I end the complaint satisfied and happy. I also always try to make sure I express my gratitude and greet the person behind that computer, phone or counter. They're just doing their job after all.
I guess in that situation I know I have applied what I have learned from this book years ago. But now I think I need to bring it a little step further and apply it to my family, friends and even at work.
"Don't criticize, condemn and complain."
God, personal development is really a continuous learning for improvement.
