Recap on books I am reading...

Before I proceed with Chapter 3 of "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parent", I need to list down the list of "pending" books that I am simultaneously reading at the moment. As to not forget about it!

Currently Reading:

1) Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents (e-book)

To be continued:

1) Made to Stick: Why some ideas survive and some die (e-book)
2) Learning First, Technology Second (hard copy)

Refresher:

3) Good to Great: Why some companies make the leap and others don't (e-book)
4) How to Win Friends and Influence People (hard copy)

I guess before I go back to reading Made to Stick or Learning First, Technology Second then I should commit myself first finishing this psychology book I am reading. I need to learn how to commit.

I think it also helps if I use my blog to jot down notes or important parts of the book that I like. I need to make a review of Made to Stick & How to Win Friends and Influence People.

Both books on applied psychology.

Human behavior interests me a lot lot.

Then of course there's also "The Isle of The lost" a fictional book based on the Disney's Descendants. I haven't continued reading it, maybe when I've finished my other books!

Wew... I'm a nerd. 

Si Quieres Recoger Miel, No Des Puntapies A La Colmena

If you want honey, don't kick over the beehive.

The first chapter in the book of Cómo Ganar Amigos e Influir Sobre Las Personas por Dale Carnegie.

The book suggest that the reader create notes per chapter so as to create memory retention of the information you get from the book.

I'll try to do this in hopes that the things I will learn from the book will help me in my life. I've had this book since 2012 but I haven't really had the heart to really use it as a bible. Well here it goes..

Chapter 1 basically says that the human reaction when you criticize or find fault in a person is that they will only defend and justify their behavior. Most people will never admit they are wrong because in their own eyes what they are doing is what is right. "If you want honey, don't kick over the beehive."

I would believe this, usually... because that normally happens a lot. But then I also know there are other people who always beat themselves for blaming themselves for everything that goes wrong. I believe in psychology it's called the locus of control. Do we believe that situations are caused by external factors? or Do we believe that situations are caused by internal factors (which is ourselves).

The chapter basically says "Don't condemn, criticize or complain."

OK. NOTED.

I guess I have to make a blog post about this now because knowing my personality this is something I always do. I have a straightforward personality and I don't sugarcoat or pacify or beat around the bush when I want to say something. Which reminds me what I've read from the Paris Hilton diary I got, Paris' says.. "If you can't say anything nice.. say it to somebody you trust."

OR... maybe we should just stick to the old cliche that says "If you can't say anything nice, don't say it at all."

I remember a colleague and a professor telling me that I am very good at pointing out mistakes or finding how to improve a certain service or system. To these colleagues and to my professor, this was a good skill... but I guess it also just comes out natural for me?

The challenge I have to give myself now is to learn how to be situational. To identify which comments will actually have a say in making things better, or maybe the rest of the time.. I'll just keep a private note to myself.

If you want to gather honey, don't kick the beehive.

There you go.  It's kinda like the saying, "You get more bees with honey than vinegar."

To be fair to myself, I believe I had already applied this whenever I am making a complaint with customer services. The younger me, would write an angry letter, make a mad phone call or go to the service office agitated and annoyed. I would sometimes get things my way, but in the end I know that I just pissed both of us off. But the more mature me, already found the trick of getting things your way without leaving a bad note. "Ask really really nice." Such basic knowledge that was taught to us as a child until we grew up and was influenced by society.

I would ask nice. Sometimes beg for help. And I would also really come out helpless. The truth is, it really IS under the other person's decision or control whether or not they would help me (or the customer). Sometimes I just give our a big *sigh* because I know that the way "things work" won't allow things to happen as I would have expected it to be. But most of the time, I end the complaint satisfied and happy. I also always try to make sure I express my gratitude and greet the person behind that computer, phone or counter. They're just doing their job after all.

I guess in that situation I know I have applied what I have learned from this book years ago. But now I think I need to bring it a little step further and apply it to my family, friends and even at work.

"Don't criticize, condemn and complain."

God, personal development is really a continuous learning for improvement. 

Cómo gana amigos e influir sobre las personas.

I got the Spanish version of one of my favorite books "How to make friends and influence people" by Dale Carnegie.

I figured that I haven't finished re-reading it because I always feel like I prefer finishing my Spanish lessons. So I realized that maybe I can hit two birds with one stone by reading the Spanish version of the book. I'll be able to read the book again and develop my Spanish vocabulary. Sure it will probably take me a long time to finish this one but heck... two birds.

Fundamental Techniques in Handling People. Principle #1

Don't criticize, condemn or complain.

I've read this book before for about a couple of times already. But it's a must to read again and again until the point of memorization. 

I had an e-book but hard copy is still different. 

Principle #1 "Don't criticize, condemn or complain" supports the First Agreement by Don Miguel Ruiz "Be impeccable with your word" (From the Four Agreements, another must read book).

I'm going to blog every time I read a chapter of Dale Carnegie's book so it can help me internalize each principle. And eventually practice it by heart. 

A few quotes from the chapter:

“The resentment that criticism engenders can demoralize employees, family members and friends, and still not correct the situation that has been condemned.”

“Let's realize that the person we are going to correct and condemn will probably justify himself or herself, and condemn us in return; or, like the gentle Taft, will say: "I don't see how I could have done any differently from what I have.”

“Don't criticize them; they are just what we would be under similar circumstances.”

“Do you know someone you would like to change and regulate and improve? Good! That is fine. I am all in favor of it, But why not begin on yourself? From a purely selfish standpoint, that is a lot more profitable than trying to improve others - yes, and a lot less dangerous.” 

“Don't complain about the snow on your neighbor's roof," said Confucius, "when your own doorstep is unclean.”

“A great man shows his greatness," said Carlyle, "by the way he treats little men.”

“"What is it you want?" I snapped. You said nothing, but ran across in one tempestuous plunge, and threw your arms around my neck and kissed me, and your small arms tightened with an affection that God had set blooming in your heart and which even neglect could not wither. And then you were gone, pattering up the stairs.”

“Instead of condemning people, let's try to understand them. Let's try to figure out why they do what they do. That's a lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism; and it breeds sympathy, tolerance and kindness. "To know all is to forgive all.”

Excerpts From: Carnegie, Dale. “How to Win Friends and Influence People.”