Monday, October 6, 2014
*disclaimer: these are messages from 3 different people and not sequential.
I actually thought it was a problem on love life! But then I know that's the least of my priorities right now. Lol
I told my friends I have been feeling empty and they said I need a boyfriend and I told them do I? But I don't want any commitments right now. I also know I don't want to depend on somebody to make me feel "complete"... I don't want to depend on somebody for my happiness... And yet my complaints seem to sound like I badly need romance. But no wonder I was confusing...
I realized it's not love life but BURNOUT.
I woke up today and I was feeling anxious of going to work. So I googled "work-life" balance to find an article that might soothe me and give me some tips.
Wikipedia came first in the search list and according to Wikipedia...
Who ever wants more - on the job, from the partner, from the children, from themselves - will one day be burned out and empty inside.
EMPTY. Those were my exact words to my friends! "I feel so productive, yet empty."
He is then faced with the realization that perfection does not exist.
My biggest problem. I do exhibit perfectionism.
Who is nowadays empty inside and burned out, is in the common language a Burnout. But due to the definitional problems Burnout is till this date not a recognized illness.
Last night, I messaged one of my close guy friends and told him "I feel broken."
He was surprised. He said he just saw my posts and said "I thought you were so passionate with your work and school?"
I said, "I am.."
On another hand, I also messaged one of my girl friends last night.. And just told her the words, "I'm tired."
So this morning I messaged them again, quoting the description that Wikipedia said about burnout.
An attempt to define this concept more closely, can be: a condition that gets only the passionate, that is certainly not a mental illness but only a grave exhaustion (but can lead to numerous sick days).
I told them, "Now I know what's wrong, it's just burnout"
It can benefit the term that it is a disease model which is socially acceptable and also, to some extent, the individual self-esteem stabilizing. This finding in turn facilitates many undetected depressed people, the way to a qualified treatment. According to experts in the field are, in addition to the ultra hard-working and the idealists mainly the perfectionist, the loner, the grim and the thin-skinned, especially endangered of a burnout. All together they usually have a lack of a healthy distance to work.
It's probably not "JUST" burnout but a condition that people should take seriously and not pass.
I am just relieved that I know what the cause of my anxiety is.
At least if you know the diagnosis, you'll know the cure.
Thank goodness it's just burnout. Because if my problems happen to be heart ache and love life ❤️.. Who knows what the real cure for that is! 😁.