Fundamental Techniques in Handling People. Principle #1

Don't criticize, condemn or complain.

I've read this book before for about a couple of times already. But it's a must to read again and again until the point of memorization. 

I had an e-book but hard copy is still different. 

Principle #1 "Don't criticize, condemn or complain" supports the First Agreement by Don Miguel Ruiz "Be impeccable with your word" (From the Four Agreements, another must read book).

I'm going to blog every time I read a chapter of Dale Carnegie's book so it can help me internalize each principle. And eventually practice it by heart. 

A few quotes from the chapter:

“The resentment that criticism engenders can demoralize employees, family members and friends, and still not correct the situation that has been condemned.”

“Let's realize that the person we are going to correct and condemn will probably justify himself or herself, and condemn us in return; or, like the gentle Taft, will say: "I don't see how I could have done any differently from what I have.”

“Don't criticize them; they are just what we would be under similar circumstances.”

“Do you know someone you would like to change and regulate and improve? Good! That is fine. I am all in favor of it, But why not begin on yourself? From a purely selfish standpoint, that is a lot more profitable than trying to improve others - yes, and a lot less dangerous.” 

“Don't complain about the snow on your neighbor's roof," said Confucius, "when your own doorstep is unclean.”

“A great man shows his greatness," said Carlyle, "by the way he treats little men.”

“"What is it you want?" I snapped. You said nothing, but ran across in one tempestuous plunge, and threw your arms around my neck and kissed me, and your small arms tightened with an affection that God had set blooming in your heart and which even neglect could not wither. And then you were gone, pattering up the stairs.”

“Instead of condemning people, let's try to understand them. Let's try to figure out why they do what they do. That's a lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism; and it breeds sympathy, tolerance and kindness. "To know all is to forgive all.”

Excerpts From: Carnegie, Dale. “How to Win Friends and Influence People.” 

Heartbreak

On being an academic, ideas are gold mine.

Long story short. 

When I was an undergrad, I had a research proposal before and my professors did not want me to pursue it. (2007)

So i ended up doing a different thesis.

Couple of years after, my mentor told me to update my literature so we can have my thesis published. (2012)

Along the way, as I searched our library again, I came across this dissertation that was exactly the same proposal I had in 2007. The idea was the same. The variables and even the usage of the grounded theory! 

I was so confused. I wondered how this happened. Why? Where did he get he exact idea? Is it that "amazing" that people can actually think of the same thing? Exactly the same thing? Then it is amazing. But I had a feeling he got the idea from my department as well because the odds that students were doing a thesis/dissertation on procrastination was very low. There were only 5 in our archives that did procrastination. 

So I didn't work on it anymore.

I tried to move and forget the idea of publishing my undegraduate thesis.

Last night, I had dinner with my professor and I found out it was him who told the PhD student to do the proposal I had years back.

Loss for words. 

Blank.

End. 

I'll just focus on my masteral thesis... 

There's a rainbow after the rain...

Today was a tough day for me. After waking up realizing I am going through burnout, I felt like a salmon swimming against the current today. Fighting against the odds. And I remembered my political org when I was an undergraduate student. 

Be like a salmon. Never fearing to face the odds.

Brave and strong. We stand by our principles and we never compromise them. 

Those are bits and pieces of our creed. 

On another note, there were a lot of opportunities that opened for me today. 

Opportunities that I know that would have to wait and I know will still be waiting for me. If not, I know better opportunities will come anyway.

I know I have thesis to worry about, but I'm also excited with other things. 

I'm planning to cross enroll in an industrial psychology subject. I need a course on this because my friend told me that there is already a psychometrician licensure exam here in the Philippines. And because my course is "educational psychology" I am actually qualified/eligible to take the board exam except I do not have an industrial psychology in my curriculum. The other batches of our program eventually had industrial psychology. 

Once I get this. I will both have,  teaching license AND psychometrician license.

My friend asked me "what is it you really want to do?"

I told her.. I want to get all the type of licenses I am eligible for. 

Jack of all trades. 

Nothing to lose anyway, right? Just study while we have time.

I have so many plans next year... 

Okay it's already 2am in the morning and I'm still so wide awake. 

What...a... Day.... 

Tomorrow, I'm going to ask about the possibility of enrolling in an industrial psychology class. If not undergrad level, okay fine... Maybe masteral level... I guess I can handle one subject more, right?

Desk job is already a routine. So I need to do something new. 

Thesis.... work .... Prof org.... Board exam .... 

Burnout

*disclaimer: these are messages from 3 different people and not sequential.

I haven't been feeling great recently and I couldn't source out the cause of my anxiety, worries and problems. 

I actually thought it was a problem on love life! But then I know that's the least of my priorities right now. Lol 

I told my friends I have been feeling empty and they said I need a boyfriend and I told them do I? But I don't want any commitments right now. I also know I don't want to depend on somebody to make me feel "complete"... I don't want to depend on somebody for my happiness... And yet my complaints seem to sound like I badly need romance. But no wonder I was confusing... 

I realized it's not love life but BURNOUT. 

I woke up today and I was feeling anxious of going to work. So I googled "work-life" balance to find an article that might soothe me and give me some tips. 

Wikipedia came first in the search list and according to Wikipedia...

Who ever wants more - on the job, from the partner, from the children, from themselves - will one day be burned out and empty inside. 

EMPTY. Those were my exact words to my friends! "I feel so productive, yet empty."

He is then faced with the realization that perfection does not exist. 

My biggest problem. I do exhibit perfectionism. 

Who is nowadays empty inside and burned out, is in the common language a Burnout. But due to the definitional problems Burnout is till this date not a recognized illness. 

Last night, I messaged one of my close guy friends and told him "I feel broken."

He was surprised. He said he just saw my posts and said "I thought you were so passionate with your work and school?" 

I said, "I am.."

On another hand, I also messaged one of my girl friends last night.. And just told her the words, "I'm tired."

So this morning I messaged them again, quoting the description that Wikipedia said about burnout.

An attempt to define this concept more closely, can be: a condition that gets only the passionate, that is certainly not a mental illness but only a grave exhaustion (but can lead to numerous sick days). 

I told them, "Now I know what's wrong, it's just burnout"

It can benefit the term that it is a disease model which is socially acceptable and also, to some extent, the individual self-esteem stabilizing. This finding in turn facilitates many undetected depressed people, the way to a qualified treatment. According to experts in the field are, in addition to the ultra hard-working and the idealists mainly the perfectionist, the loner, the grim and the thin-skinned, especially endangered of a burnout. All together they usually have a lack of a healthy distance to work.

It's probably not "JUST" burnout but a condition that people should take seriously and not pass. 

I am just relieved that I know what the cause of my anxiety is. 

At least if you know the diagnosis, you'll know the cure. 

Thank goodness it's just burnout. Because if my problems happen to be heart ache and love life ❤️.. Who knows what the real cure for that is! 😁. 

How to make work-life balance work.

It's a holiday today and for the past months since February of this year I have been working full-time in my university as compared to my life last year when I was a full-time Mooc-er. 

I am supposed to start writing my M.A. thesis today but I put it off by jumping back to my old life and checking up on my academic twitter, academic blog, academic facebook, mooc-friends, and also browsing Ted Talks. 

Ever since I started working full-time in my university you would obviously observe the frequency drop of my online activity. Oh how I miss learning random but meaningful things... Now that I have a full-time job, the only learning that happens are things that are actually related on how to perform my "job task" correctly. When I tweet to my online friend from Australia, Tanya Lau (she is also taking MA and doing her thesis) the only update I have on my thesis is telling her that... "Life got in the way..."

Now that I have full-time job... I can totally relate to this Ted Talk of Nigel Marsh about Work-Life Balance.

"I found it quite easy to balance work and life, when I didn't have work" - Nigel Marsh

Nigel Marsh:  Work Life Balance is an Ongoing Battle

"If you don't design your life, someone else will design it for you, and you may just not like their idea of balance."

The art and skill of work-life balance is difficult to master, but I have been in my job for about only 8 months... So I think I'm picking up very quick with the balance. 

On other news, my university is holding a Ted Talk convention on January 2015!!

Definitely coming... 

Notes from the Academic Writing Workshop

Anything that comes in your mind, write it... 

Start with the first thought in your mind.

Don't worry about the structure, structure will come along.

Edit.. Edit... Edit... Edit... And if you think you've done enough, edit some more. 

Assume that the audience don't know anything and tell them with logic.

Write simply.

Write directly. 

No need to use those big words.

Per paragraph is one idea. 

Write long paragraphs and write short sentences. 

A thesis is about developing an argument.

There are no "facts" but claims of facts.

Integrate ideas... - not a collection of "so and so said so and so" because it sounds like a collection of facts. 

My idea: "Motivation contributes to learning" (source of the idea)

Structure your time. Do not allow distraction.

Give some things up. Decide your priorities. 

When. Where. How. 

Choose a research area. And then write research questions. 

Read a general area and then decide a specific thing to do. 

Is it doable?

Is it useful?

Cheers to Professional Growth!

Just a week ago I panicked due to the information of a friend that as academic service faculties we were required to join professional organizations.

This, put me into a shock because I was not a member of one. 

The organizations I always put in my resume are my student organizations.

Although it is not against my heart and will that I am "required" to join professional organizations. 

I actually have always wanted to join one but I'm just not exposed to these kind of things so opportunities and reasons were hard to find. The interest was there... But life got in the way.

So thanks for the mandatory requirement of my University.... Hehe... I went efforts to look for organizations. I asked my professor how to join this professional organization and he discouraged me to join that org and recruited my in the organization he was currently in.

Long story short...

I paid my membership fee yesterday.

And today...

I got appointed to be a semi-board member😂.

I'm so excited!!!!!!!

Just when I thought I have too many things in my plate... I accepted a task without question. I've been complaining recently how I lack in the socialization department. But I guess I really don't lack psychological needs.. But rather I want a variety of things happening in my life. 

It is an honor to be chosen! 

Grad school... Work... Professional Organization...

I guess my romantic life has to wait. lol I'll worry about that after grad school! 

Thesis first... I'm almost there.

I'm now the assistant to the secretariat of the Philippine Educational Measurement & Evaluation Assessment. 

😂😂😂 excited for my first board meeting.

😂😂 excited to expand my network of both friends and professionals.

Cheers to more good things happening in my life.