MY BESTFRIEND'S WEDDING

One of my highschool bestfriend got married last Sunday.

I still haven't gotten the courage to post my thoughts because I just can't believe it. 

When you're just browsing weddings on your facebook newsfeed it starts to sink in that people are getting married.

But when one by one your close friends gets married, that's a different situation.

It's even worst when your best friend gets married.

You feel like you've lost a friend. 

Gone are the days where you can randomly drag her along to crazy adventures. 

Gone are the days where you can randomly knock on her door and surprise her with a visit.

I should be happy. But I am. I am happy for my friend. She's been dating her hubby for more than 2 years now and it's not as if it's different. 

But it is. 

It is going to be different. 

She will have different priorities. She will be living with somebody else. She will have a different life. 

She has "crossed over" the line. 

I'm happy for her. I really am. It's the next milestone for all of us at this point of our lives. 

I'm just sad because of all these changes. 

Tears are falling as I finish this blog post. Too may emotions are boiling inside. I can't seem to make a coherent post. 

We're all getting older. We are not teenagers anymore. And our 20's is about to end soon. 

Changes are happening soon. 

SELF-REFLECTION LAST NIGHT'S WEDDING

Last night made me realize (or confirmed) that I really am a competitive person in nature. 

If you want me to do something... you have to put it in a way that will make me feel like a "winner".

Similar with my fears of failure, I also hate losing. That's why I don't play sports because I have a high chance on losing on sports related activities.

On another note, this isn't a good quality isn't it???? ... 

I need to tell myself "Sometimes, it's okay to lose".

Dang it, Toni! let it gooooooo. 

Going home soon...

A man travels the world to find what he needs.. only to come home and find it. 

I'm going home soon. I just finished packing and sealed it. It's almost 5am and I haven't slept. I need to sleep already but I'll just write this quick post to let my feelings out. It has been a busy two months and that's why I haven't had any post in November 2016. I had the best vacation I could ever have. It wasn't perfect but definitely there were good days and bad days but this is the best vacation I ever had because I never felt so free. I have learned a lot about during this escapade and I will forever treasure this experience. Sometimes I am still surprise that I can manage to travel on my own. 

Well, Toni... fantasy will be over soon... it's a new year and now you'll have to "start" your life again. Choose your battles wisely. Choose how to spend your time wisely. Go study your Spanish lessons and prepare for IELT's exam. You have a lot of things to do when you get home. You've graduated masters and now you need to work on putting that to an advantage. Focus. Keep your eyes on the goal.

Good night. 

Feliz Año Nuevo!

Dear Toni in 2017,

As the new year arrives I want you to know what 2016 has taught you and this wisdom will help you get through what 2017 has to offer. 

You will turn 30 by the end of this new year and you will meet a lot of more people in this lifetime. You will have to deal with different kinds of people too. There will be those who will test your patience, your limits and your boundaries. They will cross the line and you will be tempted to cross it too. Sometimes you might even have crossed the line yourself. These people will provoke you until you become somebody you hate to be. There will be assholes and there will be douchebags and these people will have no conscience. You can never expect them to feel what you want them to feel. What means something to you might not even mean anything to them. But at the end of the day, you will have to walk your life and they will have to walk theirs. You have to keep telling yourself that there will always be worst people out there and things could have been bad but at least you were still able to survive it. Learn to know when to walk away or when to play dumb. 

Choose your battles wisely. 

This year’s going to be tougher than graduate school has been tough on you. 

Welcome to the real world (again), graduate. 

Xoxo, 

Toni from 2016

Happy New Year!

2016 was the year I graduated from graduate school... 

The best is yet to come.

Graduation Gift & Spanish Classes

It's funny that my last post was about me stressing out on my planned travel.

It's been a month already since I left the Philippines and been moving around different states of America. It's been fun. I'm not gonna talk much about it but just probably upload photos in another post.

Hopefully next time I leave the country, I won't be as stressed as I was when I was planning this trip.

Relax. Tranquillo.

In the mean time, I want to share an update that I've purchased a year subscription on Babbel for Spanish Classes. I've met a lot of Spanish speaking individuals during this trip and I barely remember my Spanish lessons. I'm going to take it seriously this time so I can prepare myself the next time I go back here.

Here's my first certificate for finishing Beginner's Course 1.

Leaving in a few days...

I'm so stressed. 

I'm travelling in a few days. 

Stress levels are high. 

I'm panicking.

So many errands to do.

So many things in my things to do list. 

So many things. To buy. To fix. To purchase. 

SO STRESSFUL.